The Scholar's Cat

You probably didn't know this, but yesterday was a random arbitrary national holiday celebrating cats!

Happy (belated) National Cat Day!

The holiday actually lines up perfectly with a new little addition to my home life...

This is Gracie.
My family got her when I was 9, and she has been with us ever since.

I can still remember the night she became ours. Our other cat Maggie had recently died in the most dignified way possible. Out in the woods behind our house, alone. Cats often leave their homes to die peacefully by themselves when they sense their time, which I imagine is part of their solitary nature. And in a way I think it's kind of nice she didn't subject me and my six year old sister to finding her corpse somewhere in the house. Yet, my sister and I were still holding out hope that she had merely gotten lost, and that she'd be back. Which is exactly what we thought was happening when, two weeks later, we heard a meowing in our garage.
Before my Dad could stop us, Caroline and I leapt up from the coffee table where we were playing Yahtzee and opened the door to see a slightly timid and very beautiful cream and grey cat with ice-blue eyes and a raccoon-striped tail. Not exactly a kitten, but clearly very young, the cat we came to call Gracie tentatively entered out family room and accepted some of the food we'd been feeding Maggie before she died. For some inexplicable reason, my parents gave into our begging, and let her stay in the house overnight. That night she slept on the foot of my bed all night long (something Maggie had NEVER done, no matter how much I wanted her to). Although we made a concerted effort to find her true owners (giving her a stray period in the local shelter and asking all of our neighbors) from then on, she was really our cat.  

Gracie was a better cat than Maggie. Maggie was NOT a fan of the kids in the house, and avoided  us to seek her quiet boring lifestyle on the couch instead. She would not play with us, didn't like being pet by us, and was quick to snap if we pushed her too far (I can remember being hissed at on more than one occasion). It's no wonder that around this time I was begging for a dog, who could withstand our rough-housing and could learn actual tricks. But Gracie more than tolerated our antics. She caught mice and chased birds for our entertainment on more than one occasion, catching them and letting them go. She was always ready to play, and loved attention from us of any kind. When I went to college, my Mom reported her sleeping on my bed while I was away, and she always remembered and recognized me when I came home.

When my Mom moved away from Michigan however, she made the decision that driving across the country wouldn't be so great for a 15 year old cat. Thus, Gracie needed to find a new home. We were lucky to find a new "mom" for her, in a friend of mine whom I worked with in the cognition lab over the summer.

Gracie adjusted pretty well to the new development, and was a pretty big fan of Caitlyn (as you can see).
However, more moving and new developments required yet another home for Gracie...and this time I didn't have any more options :(
Now, I'm personally a big fan of pet shelters (particularly no-kill shelters) for pets. However, after having volunteered at one, I have a pretty good idea of what kind of cat gets adopted, and which ones end up living out their lives in the shelter, never really getting the attention they need. The fact of the matter is that there is no short supply of adorable kittens. And unlike a puppy, kittens and grown cats need about the same level of attention. So naturally, older cats get the short end of the stick.

So after having a serious conversation with my roommates and landlord, I decided to permanently adopt her myself.

Cats are said to be sort of unintelligent when compared to other animals (like dogs). But after having Gracie, I'm just not sure that's true. She made the adjustment to the new place beautifully, and seemed genuinely grateful and relieved to be there.

She has also adjusted extraordinarily well to having three human roommates (something she has never been accustomed to). Immediately upon meeting each of them, she has actually run up and very politely introduced herself, before flipping over on her back so they can pet her. This has been a shockingly easy adjustment for both of us. And she seems very happy to be back with her original family.

Gracie isn't really my "kitty" anymore. Her coat had gotten dull with age. Her eyes don't see as well as they once did, and are less vivid. She's fatter, slower, less agile, and even a little less playful. But she's a great cat. She's social, she loves people, and I've loved coming home to her every day this week, and having a little company while studying at night.

Happy cat day!

Colorado Part 3 -- Pike's Peak and Mt. Princeton HotSprings

Welcome to more vacation pictures :)

Last week I shared the mental war that happened in my brain before jumping off a rock into the Arkansas River. At the time I didn't have any pictures to show you, but recently the rafting pictures were uploaded, and now I get to display my experience in all its glory...

It's so awesome!

For my final Colorado post I wanted to share my first official mountain climbing experience.

Pike's Peak is also known as America's Mountain -- apparently this is because it is was the inspiration for the "purple mountain majesty" lyric in America the Beautiful, but I happen to think it's America's mountain because instead of hiking and climbing the mountain, Pike's Peak is accessible by car :)

That being said, the harrowing journey up Pike's Peak is not for the faint of heart. There are almost no guard rails, and the road is very close to the edge of the mountain, making the trip up look as though you are perpetually about to fall over the edge at any moment. In fact, due to the inherent lack of safety during this drive, you are required to have your breaks checked before getting on the road! It is also recommended to go as early in the morning as possible...this is to avoid the bad weather that typically rolls in around noon. 

Despite our fear of the road's edge, we braved it a few times to step out of the car and walk around (capturing some pictures along the way). This is my favorite one...

covered in mountain dew! 

Before we knew it, plants like these dissipated, and we were closer to clouds than the tree line.  once we were at the top (and got accustomed to the major change in elevation) it was time to explore a few of the slopes extending from the peak. Those slopes consist mostly of piles of red boulders like these... 

While climbing on the slopes, I lost my footing and caught myself with my knee, bruising my knee and calf so badly, it took about a month to heal property and for the knot in my leg to smooth out. Although I wasn't in any real danger, falling down a mountain isn't fun, and I'm pretty thankful we weren't on the side of the mountain where loose footing would have resulted in a much worse accident. 

After my accident, Eric and I decided to head back to the summit and grab a picture for a little more proof of our mountain adventure...

And we indulged in some Pike's Peak homemade donuts (they are apparently a tradition -- I was unaware of this). I'm just going to assume that an major increase in elevation doesn't do wonders for the deep frier. They look a little wonky, but tasted great. 

Another highlight from this trip involved finding a colorado gem that wasn't in colorado springs.
On the night we climbed Pike's Peak we had dinner at a very nice restaurant called Rocky Mountain Brewery. There we had a waitress who told us to check out Mnt. Princeton hot springs at some point on our trip.

Mnt. Princeton was a bit of a drive from our campsite (about an hour and a half) but it was a drive we were willing to make for more awesome natural mountain treasures.
The hot springs are owned by the Mnt. Princeton resort, so unfortunately you have to pay a handsome sum to experience magma-heated water. But because they are privately owned, they are beautifully kept, and the resort engineered a couple of ways to enjoy the water.

The resort built several large pools near the river housing the springs. They fill these pools with water from the river and water from the hot springs to create the perfect temperature. The water is constantly flowing in, so it doesn't need to be heated and it doesn't need to be treated by chemicals...it's essentially a very slow moving river.

The other way you can experience the springs are to visit the river itself.

The faster, shallow river itself is very cold. But on the bank of the river are shallow pools constructed from rocks (pictured above) and these pools serve as mini natural hot tubs. Some of the cold river water seeps between the rocks, making the temperature of the magma-heated water manageable to the touch. The result is the perfectly calm natural hot spring. The temperature is even semi-adjustable! Different parts of the pool are different temperatures depending on how close you are to the river, and digging yourself deeper into the sand will make the water warmer.

It was a perfect night to close our Colorado adventure.

I hope someday I'll get the chance to go back. I would be lucky to stay in the shadow of the Rocky Mountain range again, swim in the rivers, ride the horses, hike in the gorges and look out for bears. Until next time...

Colorado Part 2 - why your brain hates heights

You didn't think I'd forgotten that I hadn't shared every last one of my vacation pictures with you yet, did you??
And yet, that'll have to come later, because this post is going to be exclusively about how weird the brain is, and why it doesn't want you to jump to your death.


(remember how scary it was when Jenny is about to jump to her death in Forrest Gump, then panics and climbs down??)

Colorado changed my perspective on the United States -- I really do think it's one of the most beautiful places in the country and I would be so lucky to get to live out there for a while (I hear Boulder actually has some important cognitive research currently going on right now :)..just kidding...for now).

Speaking of cognition, the brain is an extremely interesting organ, which if you read this blog I'm sure you already knew.
Have you ever tried to navigate a frightening or difficult scenario and noticed that even if you can rationalize it, your body still has a visceral reaction to the event? It's easy to delineate the feelings -- the visceral reaction is felt in your body (heart racing/sweaty palms) while the rational part is clearly taking place in your head. However, if you've ever taken bio or anatomy 101, you know that the panic and fear you feel during in a haunted house, or a horror movie is still coming from the same organ that rationalizes why you shouldn't have the fear in the first place. Weird!


seems a little two-faced, really...

A particular event in Colorado caused me to think about this a little more.
Our gang found ourselves rafting in the Arkansas River on the second day of our trip. About half way through the journey, we stopped at a spot where the river was a bit slower than it had been so far. This was our "break", where we were given a chance to swim across the river and climb up the rock formation on the other side. I was unaware of the rules associated with this rock climbing, so it came as a bit of a shock when I prepared to climb down and was prevented from doing so by the rafting instructor, who was yelling up to me that in fact, to exit the rock formation in a safe manner, we were all going to need to jump off. Into the swirling, churning river below.

Two things are happening at this point in my mind. The first is happening in the more "primitive" non-rational part of my brain: it's telling me that I'm 15 feet (or more) above the surface of the river, and really NOT interested in jumping. This is the part of my brain responsible for making sure that I don't perform motor actions that will kill me cannot be any clearer in its strong "anti-jump" chemical signals rushing to the rest of my bodily organs. However, the rational frontal cortex doesn't want me to hurt myself climbing down slippery rocks, which the messages from my visual cortex are telling me look fine, and not that unsafe. The rational part, however, understands that sometimes you need to trust the people with the best opinion (i.e. the instructor in this case). Needless to say, a mental battle is raging inside my head, with serious physiological consequences (mostly panicked crying and the strong desire to throw up and/or curl up in a ball).

The place where the instructor is pointing me to jump is an area of relatively calm water right next to the rocky place where we climbed out. This is where some of my experience shaped my more primitive brain's panic about jumping. I grew up in Michigan around lakes. Everyone knows that when you jump in a lake, you need to jump off of a dock or boat. Why? because the water is typically most shallow where it meets land (the shoreline), and jumping from any height to 1 inch of water is going to hurt. Years of experience have shaped my own visual perception and what certain images mean for the decisions my brain will allow me to make. In other words, we aren't born with a fear of heights, or a fear of jumping next to dry land, but after experience our non-rational brain learns to make associations with visual images and danger (among other things), and this results in the unease that we feel in these situations.

My personal experience with the world drives an instinct is to jump to the middle of the river, where I "think" the water will be deepest (and therefore most safe). Our instructor assures me that the place he is indicating is safest in this river because the entire thing is all roughly the same depth, including the parts where water meets land, but this area is the calmest. The tissues initially responsible for dealing with signals coming from the visual cortex are not convinced. So who wins?

Well, eventually the rational side wins. I jump to what part of my brain is convinced is my death. Which is why, I imagine, its panicked protests are silenced as soon as my feet leave the cliff. It was really amazing, as soon as I leapt off the rock and began plummeting toward the water, all the fear brewing in my mind was gone. It felt like flying.

And naturally, I landed safely in the very deep and safe river, surfacing almost instantly to find Eric helping me into the boat.

The visceral reactions you feel in your body are there for a reason. Your mind has a vested interest in keeping you alive -- but sometimes, a rare scenario comes along in which it's ok for the reasonable side to win the fight every once in a while.
It leads to come cool experiences :)

Adventures in Indiana

Some of my "adventures in grad school" have involved attending my friends' weddings.
I can't believe how fast time flies! One minute I was going to football games with my college friends and the next minute they're walking down the aisle.

Crazy.

That being said, I have sincerely enjoyed attending the weddings of my friends (and even playing roles in them -- like wedding singer!).

A good friend of mine from college (ALLIE!) got married in July and promptly moved to Indiana with her new husband. Naturally, by September I was due for a visit, so this weekend I hit the open road and drove to their new home for a weekend of fun and relaxation.

Right when I arrived, the Bernards had a delicious lunch waiting for me, as well as a tour of their new place (although it was severely lacking in hot tubs, a major change from the old house where we were previously hosting our girly nights. hehe step it up guys! just kidding).

After walking around and getting a chance to explore their band new "home town' (and grab some Dairy Queen), the three of us headed out to Indianapolis for dinner at Scotty's Brewhouse -- which I highly recommend for anyone finding themselves looking for a fun place to grab a burger and craft beer (which is pretty much everyone, right?? haha Grand Rapids will forever spoil me where those are concerned).

My burger choice was an award winner called the confused buffalo. The buffalo was clearly so confused because it couldn't focus on anything besides how spicy it was...this burger was crazy delicious but probably the spiciest thing I've ever ordered at a restaurant (including the time I had "medium" Indian food when I was in England). At one point I actually had to order a glass of milk, which I KNOW looked weird but what else could I do?? I couldn't feel my lower lip half way through dinner.

After our meal we got a chance to wander around the city, which is beautiful, especially at night...

When we got home, Allie and I tried to stay up long enough for a movie, but only lasted about 15 minutes before totally crashing.

On Sunday morning we got a chance to ride bikes after breakfast, and I got to see more of the new town. There seems to be a lot to do outside, and I am a little jealous of the access their new place has to a bike trail (I can't ride a bike anywhere in DeKalb without taking it on the highway for a significantly long distance which probably isn't the safest idea ever).
All in all it was a wonderful departure from my busy grad school life (although here we are, Sunday night, and back to the grind).

Love these guys :) and their gracious hospitality for the weekend...

Hopefully the next time I see them, we'll all be back in the mitten again!

Colorado part 1

It's tuesday night. After an intense day of teaching, reading, writing about said reading, and home improvement projects (I fixed my shower!), I found myself at 9pm with some *gasp* time on my hands before bed! I settled into bed and started perusing Netflix for free time options, and came across what is in my opinion, one of the best films of all time...

"There Will Be Blood"

As the movie opened upon the rocky western landscape I was reminded of my recent trip to Colorado and suddenly realized that I still needed to write an entry about it! So as I sit in my bed enjoying these well deserved moments of relaxation, I will use this time to share the first part of our trip to the Rockies and report on some of our adventures while the infamous Daniel Plainview offers the Sunday family "quail prices" in the background.

As soon as I was out of the "second year exam woods", five of my very best friends came to rescue me for a week. We rented a brand new Ford Expedition, and headed west toward the Mississippi River.

After a couple of hours, we stopped for gas, and splashed our feet in the Mississippi!

Piling back into the car, we settled into another 12 hours into the car. Most of us slept.

But we stopped for dinner in Des Moines, Iowa for some German food (and refreshment!)

Before we knew it, those of us snoozing in the back of the car were waking up at around 6am to the sweet smell of mountain air and the most beautiful red rock canyons any of us had ever seen.

Our family owned campsite was beautiful and quick to give us all the information we needed to set up our home away from home. By the time we'd set the tents up, it was time for a brief nap and then some midday hiking (you know, so we could adjust to the elevation). 

In the early afternoon we decided to go hiking at "Seven Falls". As you've probably guessed from the name, this park had seven waterfalls. A 200 step staircase followed the falls. Upon reaching the top of the stairs, a wooded trail began, which led to the top of the canyon. 

There was a good photo op at the top of the falls, so we took it :)

The next morning, we went horseback riding through the Garden of the Gods.

Garden of the Gods is probably the most beautiful place I've ever been. Everything is colorful: the bright red rocks, and red dirt, the dark green trees. We rode the horses over a stretch of about five miles, and even galloped UP a rock formation (like a cowboy). I promise you, this vacation could not have been any more amazing, and it was only the first day.

The next day we went to the Arkansas River for some white water rafting. Naturally, cameras were unwise on this adventure, but it too was an incredible experience. Our group actually went over a class 5 rapid! Luckily we work well as a team and everyone managed to stay in the boat...

We did have some professional pictures taken, and those will hopeful be up soon. In the meantime, I'm starting to feel my long day. Part 2 is coming soon!

Moving

It seems that lately there has been a lot of moving in my life...which seems a little ridiculous for not having changed my own personal address lately (I'm still in the middle of the corn, worry not).

However, two very important people in my life have moved recently, and they both needed my help! One of which was my own mother. It involved a lot of driving and a lot of hard decisions, but  I was rewarded handsomely with some extravagant furniture that almost looks out of place in my "good-will/salvation-army chic" bedroom.

By the way, do you think my mom has enough photo albums?

On friday, Eric and I picked up a u-haul in Michigan and headed over to my former home town to help my mom pack up some important belongings, and take some of said belongings with us.

Packing a u haul is like playing Tetris.... it involves maneuvering awkward shapes around until they fit together, and after about 20 minutes it's really boring.
We had a few minor moving casualties (jammed finger, blood blister, and snagged clothing), but now that all is said and done, I have a large bed and gorgeous dining room table at my place in the corn fields. Pictures to follow.

I'm actually pretty psyched about the table. It seats eight. Stay posted for a dinner party invite!

Milestone Moment: The Second Year Exam

As far as I know, every graduate program pretty much everywhere has a competency exam of some kind. They are big tests that (in addition to your own research and graduate coursework) bring you one step closer to your masters and eventual doctoral degree. For the Cognitive Psychology program here at NIU, those competency exams are referred to as the dreaded "second year exam".

This is how the SYE game is played...

At the beginning of the summer you get a big long reading list, which is segmented into four groups. Each segment on the reading list contains readings that will be helpful to answering a question on the exam. You are to pick three of the four segments on the list, and read all the publications and books throughout the summer, along the way finding other academic papers that seem relevant. However, while you have this reading list, you do NOT have the questions you need to answer. The strategy is to pay close attention to each reading, take careful notes, and try to find other related publications (and hope for the best).

It's a harrowing summer journey through scientific literature, and much like any other journey of epic proportions, requires a journal to record findings along the way.

 Lewis and Clark's Journal

My SYE journal...

Journals, it turns out, don't change very much.

Part of what makes summer reading hard, is that it requires you to have a high level of self-regulation and goal directed behavior without the support of intermediary deadlines...while the sun is shining and I'd rather go swimming. In other words, I had to approach the reading list like I was teaching my own course to myself. Two weeks would cover certain readings, another two weeks focused on something else. The goals were hard to stick to. Mostly because I had no pressure to stick to them. Furthermore, by August I was having a hard time remembering what I had read in June!
Needless to say, the week before the exams were distributed, I was feeling on-edge.

After getting the reading list for the summer, the faculty of the cognitive program distribute the second year exams. These are four essay questions, of which you are to select the three that match the segments of the reading list you covered. From there, you get 7 days to address the questions, each of which warrant anywhere from 12-15 pages each, and encompass both the readings you did during the summer AND the readings you were supposed to find independently. If you don't address the question adequately, you have to edit heavily, and sometimes even rewrite one, two, or all three in order to pass the exam.

I'll be honest, it's the worst and best week ever. Psychology is lucky that I like it so much, or that would have been the end of my time here. I learned much more than I ever have in those 7 days of wrestling with the material and organizing it coherently. Furthermore, in order to really focus, the idea is that you lock yourself away like a hermit for the full 7 days as to not be distracted by the outside world and focus as much as possible on the task at hand.
For me, this is physically and emotionally impossible. So I cheated, and took a couple of walks...

Got some Chinese food, called Eric, and even wrote one of the papers in a Starbucks by my house. Did all of these things make me feel guilty? Yep. But I don't regret these little distractions, because two AMAZING things happened after that week of exam writing! The first was that when it was all over, my five best friends in the world came and picked me up in a giant SUV, and we went camping in Colorado Springs for a week.

P.S I cannot WAIT to write all about our trip, and be that annoying blogger that shares all the vacation pictures. Be warned. Here's a preview -- this is us at Seven Falls.

The second was that two weeks after coming back from Colorado, I found out that I PASSED!! AND I DON'T HAVE TO REWRITE ANY OF THEM!

which is a massive relief, because I have a lot to do, and rewriting 15 page papers just wasn't going to fit very well into my schedule of teaching, research, and coursework...and full nights of sleep :)

 ...ok full nights of sleep for now.

Milestone Moment: First International Conference

I realize this is a month late, but my life has started to pick up a more natural pace again and I found a little evening relaxation time to report my awesome latest milestone moment!

So here is yet another self entry into this little "academic baby book" of mine.

I've written a couple of posts about this project but just to refresh your memory, I've been working on a study all about reading comprehension at NIU. Back in the winter semester when I was freezing my toes off writing crouched over a heating vent, I submitted a proposal for a poster to the Society for Text and Discourse. What's that you ask? It's a society of researchers who all investigate questions related to discourse processes (what are those? -- just think anything related to reading comprehension, understanding arguments, etc.).

This research has a lot of implications for education (mostly improving education), which makes it both exciting and pretty important! After all, understanding how people learn, and studying the memories they form while reading text informs all kinds of important decisions that have to be made about approaches to teaching certain kinds of material, what kinds of test questions to ask, and what kinds of texts to give students so they can maximize retention of the material.

Anyway, as you know, the experiment was successful!! The poster proposal was accepted, and I was off to Spain in July for my first international conference. And let me tell you, the hours spent collecting and coding data as well as the agony of writing and rewriting the poster was WORTH IT.  (I'm only a perfectionist because I know that whatever I think is perfect is just going to get ripped apart anyway, so why not have the best thing I've got ripped to shreds of critical agony? Thats what real learning is.)

My journey started the day before my 23rd birthday at O'Hare. I love airports, I've always viewed them as a magical gateway to adventure and I honestly don't mind sitting (or sleeping) in them for hours at a time. But on this particular day, it just so happened that my own graduate advisor was leaving to visit some relatives from the gate right next to mine! So we played Yahtzee and talked a little shop while waiting for our planes.
I flew out in the late afternoon and quickly discovered that I could have complementary beverages to my heart's content (very classy, Lufthansa...yes, I will have a red wine, and that'll put me to sleep in about five minutes, don't wake me up.) The seat next to mine was empty. SCORE. So as soon as I was finished with dinner, a movie, and some ice-cream, I settled into my very large and luxurious 2-seat space and slept the rest of the way there. In the morning, I was 23, in Germany, and Lufthansa congratulated me with cookies and fruit for breakfast.

After a layover and a brief connecting flight, I was in SPAIN!! I quickly found my hotel, but not before running into a few lab friends in this pretty Valencia square.

  I was down for the count after a few short hours however, and was ready to rest up for the following day. On the first day of the conference, I had a few things to get ready for. My poster would be presented that evening, so I practiced answering questions I anticipated and explaining figures and diagrams. I also got a little sight seeing done as the sun came up over the city.

Pretty Spanish sunrise :)

ST&D was similar to being at Psychonomics, and once again, little me was given a rare and coveted opportunity to talk with some of the brilliant minds in the field.

One of the traditions of the conference is a dinner held with all who attend, organized by the host University...a dinner that more than lived up to the hype instilled by a friend and fellow student, who had attended the conference previously.

Easily one of the best meals I have ever had.

And enjoyed with fellow research peers (yeah huskies!)

Easily the best part of the week were the lecture series and following discussions.
I really enjoy learning about some of the research happening in the field of text and discourse. And I have to say that own project went over fairly well!  I got some very insightful comments we are in the midst of addressing currently.
While I won't go into TOO much detail here, our experiment asked participants to answer questions as they read a text. This gives us (the researchers) an idea of what people are thinking about as they read. However, this is what we like to call an "explicit" measure. That is, we aren't necessarily finding out what's going on in their minds when they read, but when they are ASKED something related to the reading (which captures an entirely different state of mind!). And while this is an interesting and informative strategy in its own right, it is usually best to find a way to follow the findings up with a measure that reveals what is going on "behind the scenes" so to speak. What is happening during this same reading task that the person isn't even consciously aware of?
And if they aren't aware, how do we measure it? In the past one way "implicit" measures (measures of processing from moment to moment) have been examined is by looking at response times. The faster a person responds to a stimulus, the more likely it is that the presented stimulus they responded to was already represented in their mind, so the theory goes. Finding a way to measure what is going on behind the scenes takes a LOT of thought and some serious design work. But I think with some help I'll be up for the strategic challenge. Wish me luck...

In the meantime, my mind still finds ways to wander to beautiful Valencia, and I am reminded of all the awesome perks of research, not the least of which is seeing the world outside the lab from time to time.

However, as the summer draws to a quick close and fall classes begin it is time to think about lectures, readings, and of course, my ever elusive thesis. Back to the grind!

The Time I Overcame a Couple of Fears and Felt Really Good About Myself.

I'm in the midst of final preparations for my second year exams, but after reading for 6 hours today about knowledge representation models, I'm really fine with taking a break to write this post.

Last week I had a glorious 8 day stint in Grand Rapids with Eric and the rest of my college crew. Before you get too happy and congratulate me on my awesome week, it was a working "vacation". I.E I spent all day skyping, emailing, and calling my lab to make sure everything was going smoothly, and well..studying.
That being said, the week was still amazing.
I did a lot of really fun things with friends, and I could go into all of them but instead I'll just focus on the things I did that really pushed the comfort zone (because frankly they are a little bit funny).

1. Driving a Stick-shift

When I was about 12 my grandfather (Papa) and uncle tried very diligently (but ultimately to no avail) to teach all of us kids how a manual transmission worked. The car in question was an old maroon clunker of a pick up truck that we all called "big red", and it resided on the private centennial farm up north. I can remember piling into it for a driving lesson. It was perfect because of it's bench seats..a carefully supervising rider could easily slide into the driver's position if necessary, and take over the wheel. That being said, it was also terrifying.

p.s this is not big red.

Big Red stalled out like nobody's business. Seriously. Perhaps if you are reading this, and you drive a stick, you have experienced your car stalling out. And if so, then you probably remember the experience as perhaps a little embarrassing, but relatively mundane. When Big Red stalled out, the beast would shudder and clunk violently before shivering to a halt. Furthermore, that shuddering clunk was a sign that you screwed up. Needless to say, no one liked learning to drive on Big Red.

7 years later I was pretty convinced I was never going to have to deal with driving a manual transmission ever again, and got pretty darn comfy driving my familiar automatic. I was able to get around, and my discomfort with learning the manual transmission didn't impact my life in the slightest. But then I met Eric. And Eric drives a stick.

This past week Eric attempted to teach me how to drive a stick. Now, I can be a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to performing for people I really care about. My dinners and desserts are perfect when people come over, my handwriting on thank you notes is beautiful, my presentations and essays are extremely well researched etc. In other words, I avoid failing at things in front of people (I care about) absolutely as much as possible. But on top of that, there are some things I don't learn very quickly! Like, kinesthetically in particular. So obviously this was a recipe for disaster.

Thats because driving manual transmissions is a lot like dancing -- it took me a solid two months to learn how to swing dance remotely well, and I'm sure it would take me just as long to really learn how to drive my boyfriend's car. Clutch in, first gear, "clutch out/gas" dance, clutch in, second gear, "clutch out/gas" dance, clutch in, third gear, "clutch out/gas" dance, and all this time I'm thinking what the hell am I supposed to do when someone in front of me stops suddenly? Or when a dog runs out in the street? What am I supposed to do when I park it?
We took Eric's car out to a church parking lot somewhere in northwest Grand Rapids to practice all of this, and I attempted to be perfect and listen to everything he said, and still failed miserably and stalled the living hell out of his beloved automobile several times. I also made it make some very strange/scary noises while shifting too.

Most importantly though, I DID it. And while it was a challenging couple of hours, I definitely know more that I did previously. Now I think I just need to practice. Who wants to supervise??

2. The Conjuring

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past 3 months, you have probably heard about the newest horror movie in a theater near you. It's called the Conjuring, and critics and laypeople alike have been raving about it.
I saw the ad for this movie earlier in the summer, and it looked intriguing...not all that much worse than "the sixth sense" in terms of creepiness factor, but it was about witchcraft. Furthermore, I actually did a lot of research on the witch hunts in europe while I was studying abroad, and I was looking forward to maybe getting to use some of my knowledge while watching this film. Maybe they'd explore it from a sociocultural/historical perspective and I'd get to learn something. Maybe there would be a 2013 feminist undertone (oh lets be serious, OVERTONE). I told Eric I might be interested in seeing it, and before long, I was roped into a concrete plan.

It wasn't until the day before that I realized what I had gotten myself into. If you get a moment, I recommend reading the reviews for this movie. People are ecstatic about it, for all the reasons I wanted to back out immediately. It's been compared multiple times to classic game-changers of the genera, including "Amityville Horror" and "The Exorcist". I accidentally saw part of the exorcist once, and had nightmares forever. And that was like...30 seconds of that movie. No big, I'm sure it's just really good like those movies, not actually similar to them, right?
Nope. Read on. "The climax of the film harkens back to the exorcist", "audiences will find themselves witnesses to a terrifying demonic presence complete with exorcism". It might have well said "if Lillian Asiala attends this movie, she will have nightmares forever".

I tried, for a good 30 minutes, to convince the people in our party that we didn't want to see this film. It wasn't going to be worth it! It was stupid! Let's see World War Z. Let's see The End. Let's see anything besides what I know is going to be the most horrifying experience of my life.

Eric would have none of it -- reminding me that I had in fact, promised to go. And go we did.

Approaching the ticket booth, my final attempt at freedom presented itself. "The Conjuring is sold out, right?"
"No, we have lots of seats open."
We got our tickets.

As we entered the theater, I started to relax a little. Eric assured me that this would be good for me, and that I was psyching myself out way more than was necessary. Just then we were accosted by the security guard demanding out ID's and I remembered that I was attending a film deemed so terrifying that those under 17 were not permitted to see it. But soon I was back to laughing with my friends and eating gummy bears like we were at a new Harry Potter.

"This will honestly not be that bad. Really, even if it's scary, how scary could it actually be?"

Opening scene, and I realized the magnitude of my mistake...this movie opens on the most horrifying looking doll in the history of the world.

get me the HELL OUT OF HERE.

Google it. Legit. I don't want to ruin this movie for anyone, but the scariest character in the whole thing is an object! It's a DOLL.
As a side-note, it's a doll in the apartment of three young nurses. What are three 20-somethings doing in a modern day apartment with the world's creepiest doll? wouldn't you think they'd take one look and be like "Yeah, this is going to Good Will, get this the hell out of the place we intend on sleeping on a regular basis". Then the doll gets inhabited by a "ghost" and the girls are like, "well, I guess the ghost can stay too". WHAT??!
But all in all, I am happy to report that I survived. I actually did see the movie, and it didn't give me nightmares forever.

And I actually recommend it. It was extraordinarily well done, the actors were wonderful and the story was impressively executed. I imagine I may even see it again (because as many good movies go, I don't think I caught everything the first time around). It turns out that a truly scary story is survivable when the narrative is good.
That being said, I really hope no one heard me very quietly singing "Jesus Loves Me" to myself at the end.